sarah katherine lewis ([info]markedformetal) wrote,
@ 2009-03-13 21:26:00
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Current mood:crochety & persnickety

watchmen
I saw it. I really, really liked it.



Watchmen:

I saw it. I really, really liked it.

Except all the porno crap. That was so needless and embarrassing.

I am angry at normal movies that suddenly turn into porno movies, because you think you're watching a normal movie with superheros and violence and other good normal stuff then all of a sudden you're watching two people fake-fuck, and it's just fucking gross--not the fucking, which I'm fine with (as long as it's in private), but the fakeness--the whole porno OOH OOH OHHHHH heavy-breathing prurient shit, with man-ass going up and down and chicks keeping their boots on and all that tired old garbage that I do not choose to see, except when it's snuck into normal movies as a freak fake-fuck attack.

I'm not talking about Billy Crudup's flaccid blue cock. I don't care about soft cocks dingle-dangling around like they're just kind of hangin' out at the mall with a Venti Soy Latte and an iPod and no particular place to go. His cock was just his body, which is fine. What was gross and yucky, frankly, wasn't his cock--it was the yucky fake-fuck scene with the latex-clad chick who was heaving around like she was having a seizure while sucking Billy Crudup's blue...thumb. I mean, yuck. Do we really have to watch chicks being sexually penetrated for the price of a $7 matinee? Can we at least choose if we want to watch that shit?

Billy Crudup's cock = a-okay with me.

Assorted naked man-ass = also okay.

All the freaky fetishwear "costumes" worn by the female superheros: meh. Lame, but understandable--the costumes are supposed to be overtly sexual, blah blah blah, whatever. I knew I'd be seeing chicks in fuckerwear when I bought my ticket so I'm not gonna be a jerk and complain about it, even though I think it's completely stupid to show women fighting in high heels, garter belts, and stockings unless you're watching a catfight porno.

But the actual fucking? BOOOOOOOOOOOO. HiSSSSSSSSSSS. Don't want to see it--didn't order it, don't want it, don't like it one bit.

Two big blue thumbs down on the sneak fake-fuck attacks...

...but thumbs up to the rest of Watchmen. It was really good. Even the fake-fucking couldn't wreck a good movie--but next time I see it, I'll have my finger on two buttons: fast-forward, and mute.

[Cranky EDIT: PS: I don't care if you like porn. Like it all you want! That's totally fine with me! Fuck, I mean, I like Seth Rogan movies! I just don't want porn snuck into normal movies, kthnx. Please don't send me any heartfelt Defenses of Porn. Believe me...I know all the pro-porn arguments.

Also please don't bother telling me the fake-fucking scenes "weren't really porn" because they didn't show explicit genital penetration. I don't want to see that shit either. My point is, I DON'T LIKE WATCHING PEOPLE PRETEND TO FUCK. There you go.]


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[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 03:15 am UTC (link)
I like you too. You know, in a non-sneak-fuck-attack way.

xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]skwashy
2009-03-14 02:06 am UTC (link)
GOSH, I like you.

(Reply to this)


[info]spider88
2009-03-14 02:09 am UTC (link)
Yeah. The stealth porn attack is just not cool.

But now I want to see this movie for the flaccid blue cock and assorted man ass. :)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 03:18 am UTC (link)
There is a metric TON of flaccid Crudup cock and man-ass. It's kind of like a gay porno that's all artistic.

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]eruv, 2009-03-14 03:23 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 03:29 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]eruv, 2009-03-14 03:34 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]ebon_bear, 2009-03-14 08:21 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]quan_yin, 2009-03-14 03:49 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 03:50 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]childofmetis, 2009-03-14 03:35 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]quan_yin, 2009-03-14 03:50 am UTC (Expand)

[info]eruv
2009-03-14 02:24 am UTC (link)

Except all the porno crap. That was so needless and embarrassing.

I am angry at normal movies that suddenly turn into porno movies, because you think you're watching a normal movie with superheros and violence and other good normal stuff then all of a sudden you're watching two people fake-fuck, and it's just fucking gross--not the fucking, which I'm fine with (as long as it's in private), but the fakeness--the whole porno OOH OOH OHHHHH heavy-breathing prurient shit, with man-ass going up and down and chicks keeping their boots on and all that tired old garbage that I do not choose to see, except when it's snuck into normal movies as a freak fake-fuck attack.

YES OMG. You said this better than I've ever been able to.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 03:20 am UTC (link)
Thank you. It actually really bothers me.

xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]eruv, 2009-03-14 03:23 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 03:28 am UTC (Expand)

[info]quan_yin
2009-03-14 02:41 am UTC (link)
I was so much more bothered by the gratuitous violence but the fucking was pretty gag-worthy.

Though I wouldn't mind it terribly if Pete could morph into four people. One to do the dishes, one to play synths, and two for me to exhaust in bed.

Hmm. Maybe five Petes would be better. I'll have to speak to him about this when he gets home.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 03:21 am UTC (link)
*laughing*

"I thought you liked this." "I don't know how to stimulate you anymore."

UGH UGH UGH UGH

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]quan_yin, 2009-03-14 03:48 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 03:49 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]quan_yin, 2009-03-14 03:51 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]quan_yin, 2009-03-14 03:52 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 03:55 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]quan_yin, 2009-03-14 03:56 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 04:02 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]quan_yin, 2009-03-14 04:03 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]tapati, 2009-03-14 06:07 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]stardragonca
2009-03-14 03:06 am UTC (link)
It sounds like they're pretending to be in a porn pretending to have sex.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 03:22 am UTC (link)
Pretty much. Man, I sure didn't need that with my popcorn. All of a sudden the fake butter tasted...funny.

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

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(no subject) - [info]stardragonca, 2009-03-14 04:10 am UTC (Expand)

[info]childofmetis
2009-03-14 03:17 am UTC (link)
The music and the gratuitous sex were both utterly terrible. I loved everything else about it, except for Dr. Manhattan's whiny voice.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 03:24 am UTC (link)
I kind of dug his voice, because it was so passive-aggressive! "I'm, uh, a god-like superhuman all-knowing being. But--um--I really respect you. No, I do. Which is why I'm treating you like a total unpaid prostitute. Because I thought it's what you wanted..."

xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]childofmetis, 2009-03-14 03:39 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 03:43 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]ebon_bear, 2009-03-14 08:43 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 05:16 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]ebon_bear, 2009-03-14 06:43 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]ebon_bear, 2009-06-22 11:51 am UTC (Expand)

[info]hazeldragon
2009-03-14 03:45 am UTC (link)
yeah, that was so goddamn unnecessary. but the movie itself was good.

i want the comedian for me. me, you got that?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 03:48 am UTC (link)
Dude, the Comedian was fiiiiiiiiiiine, for sure, but I had a girly crush on Rorschach because I like the sociopaths, alas.

xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]hazeldragon, 2009-03-14 03:50 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 03:52 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]hazeldragon, 2009-03-14 03:56 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]ebon_bear, 2009-03-14 08:41 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 05:12 pm UTC (Expand)
yeah.
[info]tristan_crane
2009-03-14 05:00 am UTC (link)
I almost avoided it because of the directors 14 year old boy obsessions with teh sex and teh violence.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: yeah.
[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 05:06 pm UTC (link)
I actually really liked the way they filmed the violence--it was super-stylized and cartoony and fun, and the wound makeup afterward was convincing.

But yeah, the sex? There was absolutely no reason for that to take place on-screen. None.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxxo

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Yours in fear and confusion
[info]teal91
2009-03-14 05:50 am UTC (link)
how am I supposed to handle latex outfits and man ass-bobbing and vicariously segue back into saving the world?

I am not sure if I am supposed to lust after Bianca Beauchamp in latex in still photo shoots, pretend it is artistic and then amble into The Watchmen, and then encompass the frisson of female superheroes in latex -- it all just gets me confused. I know they (movie superheroes)can't all wear silk kimonos or samurai armor, or inside out warthog skins or hair shirts; but are we to get man back hair pelts next along with the bobbing man ass?

There are some sights better left to the supermarket aisles..

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Yours in fear and confusion
[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 05:09 pm UTC (link)
*laughing*

I live for the day superhero females actually wear the kind of tough, protective superhero suits the guys are wearing. Maybe someday, cartoonists will realize that if you've got big boobs, a sports-bra is so much easier to fight and run in than a padded push-up bustier!

xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]ebon_bear
2009-03-14 08:40 am UTC (link)
OK, I haven't seen the film yet so I'm not going to comment about the faux-porn.

SK, you probably figured most of this out but for anyone else reading:

- The female costumes are supposed to overtly sexualised. They were in the book too. In the book, Moore is playing with the question of what it is that makes one heroic. Is it powers, costume, looks? Silk Spectre was pushed into the business by her mother in an age where heroines had to be both heros and cheesecake. It's also worth noting that she only wears her costume for about 1/10th of the book and dresses perfectly normally otherwise.

- Doc Manhatten's gradual abandoning of clothes is an outward indicator of his gradual alienation from humanity.In the book, the effect was to turn Manhatten into an animated Greek statue.

- The sex scene is in the book. In the book, it's kind of deliberately tawdry and desperate (and, given that it was written in 1985, more implied than explicit). Moore's intention was always to deconstruct the superhero genre and the sex scene is supposed to create the impression that these are two people with pretty fucked-up lives. It's also another example of Manhatten losing his grip on humanity.

I'm really nervous about seeing this film. The book is one of my favourite pieces of art ever and, true, it would make a great action flick. But there are also subtleties (i.e. most of the heroes represent different schools of philosophy) that I'm not sure will translate well to the screen. I had the same problem with "V For Vendetta" (another Moore work) which stripped out most of the subtlety and ambiguity in favour of a straightforward action flick.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 05:11 pm UTC (link)
Ebon, please see the film and write a review. I am very, very interested in your opinion and would love to link to it from my LJ, if you'd let me.

xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]pieslut
2009-03-14 03:25 pm UTC (link)
Weirdly, that was one of very few movies where I enjoyed the sex scenes, and at the risk of boring you, I think I know why. The entire movie was so fake, that the fake sex was just part of my suspension of disbelief. I mean I can watch people pretend to hit each other, and blow up cities, so to me, watching them pretend to have sex is similar. It's just acting.
But! But it takes a lot for me to get there. To not view it as something private that shouldn't be on-screen. I really have to be asorbed in the movie to see fake sex in the same way I see fake fighting.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 05:25 pm UTC (link)
1. You never bore me, silly! I read every word you write and always wish you had time to post more!

and

2. I wonder why we're both fans of fake-fighting, but generally turned off by fake-fucking? Are we being hypocrites? Or is it that fake fucking feels so much more invasive because we don't consent to watch it when we buy our tickets...? Or because fighting is not, by nature, private--but fucking is? Don't know, just musing...

xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]pieslut, 2009-03-14 05:57 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-14 06:12 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]freeport_pirate
2009-03-14 06:38 pm UTC (link)
In the comic Alan Moore is poking fun at a lot of superhero tropes, like the impractical but sexy costumes for the ladies. And then poor Nite Owl can't fuck without his costume. All the subtly of the graphic novel was washed away in the movie though.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 08:38 pm UTC (link)
All the subtly of the graphic novel was washed away in the movie though.

Which is pretty much expected when you see the movie version of any book, right? It's hard to show inner life, emotional conflict, internal struggle or change.

I think the scenes could have been done much more tastefully with a build-up/cut-away kind of deal, sacrificing none of the meaning and humor, but sparing us the extended pornovison.

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]constintina
2009-03-14 08:07 pm UTC (link)
I liked it a lot, too. Loved the violence, hated the fakeity-fake and schnasty sex.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-14 08:48 pm UTC (link)
It's almost as if the producers didn't realize they'd have (um, derrr) actual women in their audience. Do they really think we want to pay that tired old crap?

Attention, Hollywood--if you want to not alienate half your audience, try MORE VIOLENCE & LESS SEX IN THE MOVIES. We want to watch people kick ass, not hump! Even kissing scenes skeeve me out, with those gross squelchy noises.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]constintina, 2009-03-14 08:58 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]mellontatauta
2009-03-14 10:29 pm UTC (link)
Haven't seen it yet, waiting for the crowds to die down some.

Actually, I'm encouraged by what you're saying, for one simple reason: when word gets out that there's a graphic fuck scene, it'll be all that more unlikely that parents will bring small kids to the theater. Out-of-control kids are the bane of my movie-going experience.

Only thing that makes me cringe during movies these days is stupidity. I can take all the sex and violence and whatever else comes with an intelligent writer or director's clear vision.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-15 12:25 am UTC (link)
Out-of-control kids are the bane of my living experience, so I totally nodded reading this.

I have no idea why people aren't training their kids these days, but they're not, and since we're not allowed to Tase them, I just try not to put myself in situations where I have to be around them. Like crotch-diving dogs, they seem to have no boundaries with strangers, and their parents don't seem to give two hoots about their invasions of other people's body space and auditory peace.

I told you about the little girl on the plane who got me sick--I actually had to tap her mother on the shoulder and request that she keep her daughter down and out of my personal space. (Though in retrospect, after being so sick for my one precious week in my hometown, I should have stabbed the Vector of Disease in the fucking eye instead.)

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]ryca, 2009-03-15 07:07 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]markedformetal, 2009-03-15 10:31 pm UTC (Expand)
sex vs. violence
[info]mellontatauta
2009-03-15 01:56 am UTC (link)
For my own part, I have an easier time with gratuitous sex than with gratuitous violence. I've seen plenty of both, and from a young age (I was given my own television with Showtime when I was 11, and I got to watch a lot of 70's stuff unsupervised). The way I see it, sexuality is at least healthy, even if/when it's superficial; violence isn't healthy, even when it's necessary. Given a choice, I'd rather someone indulge their appetite for sex than their appetite for violence--though I don't think cinematic depictions of either translate into any real-world (mis)perceptions. And I'm all for both, whatever you fancy. It's largely a matter of taste, but I find excessive and obligatory violence to be a lot more tedious than formulaic and unimaginative sex.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: sex vs. violence
[info]markedformetal
2009-03-15 04:15 am UTC (link)
I think you're right: it's a matter of taste. I like watching stuff I can imagine participating in, as wish-fufillment fantasy--who doesn't dream of unlimited power over one's enemies through violence? I like to watch violence because I like to imagine doing that violence, though I know I'd never actually do that violence in real life.

But I don't dream of being treated like an object and having my body and sexual responses evaluated for sufficient "hotness." Sex scenes make me feel extremely uncomfortable because while we all know violence in movies is fake and nobody really gets hurt, in female-objectifying fuck-scenes there's a real living female who is really being treated as a thing to be used, without dignity.

My suspension of disbelief just doesn't go that far.

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxooxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
Re: sex vs. violence - [info]mellontatauta, 2009-03-15 08:35 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]vtgrrl
2009-03-15 01:12 pm UTC (link)
I haven't seen the movie, but I feel exactly this way about on screen sex. When will movie makers realize that people look embarrassingly stupid while having sex? and the only reason you don't think the person you are having sex with looks stupid is because...

you are having SEX at the time.

Dumb. And I clearly don't want to watch people having sex with a bunch of random movie-going strangers. I keep that for my alone time with my computer, kthanxbye.

Edited at 2009-03-15 01:12 pm UTC

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-15 01:57 pm UTC (link)
Exactly. I don't want to watch movie characters using the toilet, either--not that there's anything wrong with using the toilet OR having sex, it's just that both of them are PRIVATE ACTIVTIES NOT MEANT FOR AN AUDIENCE.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]necroerotica
2009-03-16 09:19 am UTC (link)
I'm going to feel all left out for a few months it seems. I get the impression I'm the only person in interweb-world who thought the comic, well, sucked.



(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-16 01:42 pm UTC (link)
I somehow don't think you're the only one.

xxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]spitfiremk11
2009-03-17 04:23 am UTC (link)
:( I wanna see the Watchman.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]markedformetal
2009-03-17 02:37 pm UTC (link)
Highly recommend, except for the stupid porno crap!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

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